Today, I started back on Weight Watchers after several months away. I made the decision this week that I was going to get back on track and deal with my weight. Why is it that I feel that this time around I am going to finish? I think that there are several reasons. I had a lot of issues from my past that I had never dealt with. I had a lot of scars that I never allowed to heal. I have recently begun healing from these wounds. I also believe that I didn’t love myself enough to work at it. I have to be ok with me before I can make true changes in my life. Another reason is because I have become comfortable in my uncomfortableness. Allow me to explain. Sometimes, we can get used to the pain and being uncomfortable to the point where changing would be too uncomfortable. For me, I know what I need to do, but I don’t do it, just like what Paul talked about in Romans 7.
I had some people who I needed to forgive in order to get to this point, most importantly, myself. I had been living in a world where I believed that I was unworthy and unlovable. satan is constantly trying to make me believe that. What is amazing though is what happens when you finally begin to seek the truth. Jesus said that the truth shall set me free. Well, here is the truth. I am the son of a father who loves me unconditionally. I have friends who I can trust and who would bend over backwards to help me. I have a church body that loves and cares for me. But most importantly, I have a God in Heaven who loves me with a passion that I can’t even begin to understand. He loved me enough to send Jesus to die in my place. He loves me whether I weigh 150 pounds or 800 pounds. He loves me whether I am rich or poor, educated or non-educated, single or married. He will love me regardless of what job I take or even if I live on the street. His love will never change; and to know that is to be free.
I know that this is just the beginning. I know that I will continue to struggle with satan’s lies for a long time, but at least I know that I can always come back to the truth.
Like I stated in the beginning of this post, I went back to Weight Watchers today. It was difficult walking in there and having to stand in front of the group leaders and weigh in, knowing that I probably had gained weight since the last time I went in there 3 months ago. The funny thing is that my fear was that they would ridicule me(That would be another lie satan makes up), but they were actually very glad to see me return.
I did gain some weight. I am now the heaviest I have ever been. I weigh 341 pounds. I could get all upset and be sad about it, but it won’t help the weight come off. Instead I have taken a new approach. I looked at the number and decided that I will never see it again. I can’t change the number that came up today, but I can change it for next week.
One more thing. I firmly believe that I can lose this weight. But I can’t do it alone. I need the power of God working through me in order to do it. Only through His power working in me will I be able to conquer my goals. This means that I will be praying to God to constantly work in my life and help me fight the temptations and emotions that come with weight loss. I have to give up my grip on this part of my life and allow God to have complete control. I want God to be in charge of every part of me, from my heart, mind, soul, strength, stomach, mouth…everything.
My prayer in doing this is that God will be glorified through this journey. That He will allow me to inspire others and that I can be a witness through my weight loss.